“ Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” - Rom. 12:2

*Disclaimer: This verse is not a reflection of the Holderness family and they are wonderful! 
This article addresses an issue in sexuality - read with discretion. 
The book was also received for free for review.

I started this book review with Romans 12:2 because I believe that God allows us to choose what we intake and He also gives us discernment.  

I was asked to review “Everybody Fights, So why Not Get Better at It?” By Kim and Penn Holderness.  

They are a hilarious couple who chooses to be very vulnerable about their relationship in this book!  

However, usually on Tirzah Magazine I review books with an outwardly Christian perspective.  This book is focused on the relationship more from practical and personal experience - with no focus on a Godly perspective.

However, I absolutely found this book worthy of my time!  

As long as we keep Christ at the center of our relationships and our perspective, there are things we can learn from other people.  

In my life, I am surrounded by peacemakers. If there is a way to AVOID conflict they will do it - at the expense of relationships, having their voice heard, and healthier life patterns.  It has been such a source of frustration that I eventually realized I could not force them to voice their opinions or step up and had to walk away.  

Today God has placed people in my life that I weekly conflict with and our relationships are stronger because of it.

This book has the whole premise that conflict is not bad.  In fact, healthy conflict can lead to better understanding and strong relationships.  

When you get married, you are stuck together for life. You need to learn to argue in a healthy way and stand up for yourselves, but also your relationship.  

Every chapter of this book is a fight that Kim and Penn have had.  They do a great job at being humorous both in their book and their relationship. As they delve into their fights, they go into each of their perspectives, their marriage counselors perspectives, and then techniques for resolving the issue.

If you are a newlywed or headed toward marriage, this book is great to add to your toolkit!  

It contains some great strategies.  

I advise using Godly wisdom and discernment on their perspectives but recognize there are some great strategies (and they are totally hilarious as they describe everything).  

One thing that I would need to speak up about is their endorsement of sex toys for healthy sex.  I personally do not agree with utilizing outside tools for sex.  However, this is a view I have gained from Biblical readings and talks with wise counsel.  This is an issue you have to discern for yourself.  Kim and Penn have reached their own conclusion that, as Christians, I am sure they have prayed about as well. 

 This is a good read, but please with every book on marriage and life counsel - especially personal stories or psychology - always go back to the Bible for discernment!

Overall this is a great read that can be a really helpful tool if you struggle with handling conflict well, or are looking to improve in the ways you communicate with your spouse.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alycia Marie is a free-spirited wanderer learning to find roots. She currently resides in Milwaukee and serves the community of southeastern Wisconsin. You can typically find her outdoors, as long as it’s warm, hanging out with family/close friends, and meeting soon-to-not-be strangers. In her spare time, she writes, drinks chai tea, and builds non-profits, homes, families, and people. Some people like to call it missions. She prefers well-digging.