Insecurity. Something so common to our lives that it’s almost as though it’s part of our personality. We don’t question its existence, and we carry the full weight of it day in and day out. Insecurity holds us back and keeps us in bondage. So why is it so comfortable to live with?
For so many of us, insecurity is all we’ve ever known; it’s a safe, constant place in our lives. We may be afraid of who we’ll be without our insecurity holding us back. Even if we know it’ll be something wonderful, the unknown is still frightening.
Insecurity hurts more than just your self-esteem though. It takes a toll on your relationships, schooling, job, and even the way you handle daily tasks. It has put unnecessary strain on my closest relationships because I relied on my best friends to constantly affirm me — a burden too great for anyone to bear. It led me to jealousy and bitterness because the ones I loved most were not filling me up the way I believed they should. It kept me from speaking up in conversations for fear of how I would be perceived. Insecurity lead me to desperately pursue attention from men, and if I didn’t receive it, I was destroyed. It’s kept me from seeking new opportunities and open doors.
Insecurity finds it’s source in many things, but I’m convinced that the main cause is that we are not firmly rooted in the love of Christ. When He is our rock, our hearts take refuge in Him. Trying to find our worth in anything other than Christ will do nothing but leave us feeling insecure. But when we focus on Jesus, we do not see the other things screaming at us and trying to tell us that we are not enough. When your heart pursues the Lord, there is no room for destructive lies to feed your insecurities.
If you’ve been reading along with us through Tirzah In the Word, we recently discussed the story of Leah and Rachel. I think this is a great place to start examining insecurity in the Bible. Most of us can relate to Leah — the way she felt unwanted and unloved, invisible and passed over when Jacob wanted her younger sister because she was more beautiful. If that doesn’t make a girl feel insecure, I don’t know what does! Even when Leah’s father tricked Jacob into marrying her, Jacob still did not want Leah.
The cool thing about this story is that the Lord heard her distress. He knew her heart, and He knew the longing and deep sorrow she felt. In this pain, He cared for her tenderly by blessing her with children. The Lord is faithful to provide us with the comfort and satisfaction we need as we walk through our deepest pain. As we wrestle with insecurity, we are often looking for other people to affirm us because we are convinced that this is where we find healing, but this is not the Lord’s solution.
He heals us by giving the true balm for our aching souls: more of Himself. The Lord is faithful and kind to heal our insecurities and bless us with His perfect love.
Insecurity can also find its root in fear. Fear of being unloved, of going unnoticed, or even the fear of being known and then abandoned because of who we are at the core. All the actions we take to try to find respite from insecurity, such as seeking unhealthy approval from others or going to extreme measures to make ourselves what we consider to be good enough, will never satisfy or take away the insecurities.
We must get to the root of our hurt and bring it to the Lord. Are you worried that you don’t measure up? Do you feel that God has forgotten you? Do you fear being alone? Are you struggling to trust that the Lord knows the desires of your heart? We can lay those fears down at the feet of Jesus because as 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear.” We know that our Father is perfect love. All our deep-rooted fears that cause us to be insecure have no place in the light of this love.
His love is all-encompassing—it covers every area of your life. His love sees the worst parts of you and is still fiercely devoted to your heart. His love is pure, kind, and selfless. God’s love pursues you to the very end. His love satisfies every kind of need.
As we begin to understand this love that our Father has for His daughters, there is no room to be insecure anymore. We serve a good Father, not an angry tyrant. God is completely and utterly convinced of your worth and beauty, and He is the only one with the authority to decide those truths about you.
We are far from perfect, but we know that the Lord loves us despite this. Why should we fear not measuring up? Romans 5:8 says that Christ loved and died for us at our very darkest—that’s a love that is committed! There is no room for insecurity in this sort of love.
Here’s the thing—insecurity is a liar. It whispers that you are not enough, that you are not worth fighting for, and that you are unwanted. Yet, it knows that the King of kings descended to Earth so He could pursue your heart and make you His bride. Darkness cannot exist in the presence of something so glorious. Embrace that truth, my darling!
When friends, boys, family, and distractions fight for our attention and tell us that we will only find worth there, we must choose to fix our eyes on Jesus instead (Hebrews 12:2). Choose to make our foundation in the love of Christ and who He created us to be. The only way to find true worth is in a passionate pursuit of Jesus. It is in the seeking that we discover we are truly loved and enough. This is yet another reason why consistently remaining in the Word of God is crucial. It is here where we discover who God is and how He feels about us. Without our daily bread that is the Bible, we will starve! We need time with the Lord in order to create space for Him to remind us of what is true.
We were made to love and be loved by the Father. There is nothing more important or more beautiful than knowing Him. And as difficult, confusing and painful as it can be, seeking Jesus is the only pursuit that frees us from feeling insecure. If nothing else, our motivation and encouragement to press on is the joy of knowing the one, true God and being known so much more in return.