Psalm 73 – a marvelous Psalm – inspired me to create a piece of a similar journey in today’s time.
You are mine. The words seeped into my head. Trying to wrap my mind around these words, I reread them again and again. YOU ARE MINE. In that moment words whispered into my soul. I am His and He is mine. The words reverberated, ricocheted through my mind.
How can it be? I’ve messed up yet again. Like David I’ve worshipped the baubles and trinkets this world has to offer. My eyes have strayed from the light into darkness. In raw honesty I confess my love of darkness.
Why should I crave the light when the darkness is immediate? Body and soul are torn in the midst of a battle – a supernatural one. Soul cries out “Save me from this torment”. Body craves temptation of this earth. Stress pulls me under wave after wave – drowning body and soul until my chest heaves.
Am I worthy? Is He worthy? Who am I to ponder such wicked thoughts? To question whether the Man who hung on a CROSS for me is worthy? Will this temporary satisfaction fulfill in the end?
Like standing at the edge of a cliff. A thrill hangs in the air. Jumping leads to the free-fall – head over heels through the clouds. Each twist excitement. Until it doesn’t. The ocean glimmers below. This is the moment – the one where I notice there’s no parachute.
Middle of an afternoon text. One that cries the road I pondered traveling brought destruction to one of my dearest friend. Not by her own choice – but by those of others. What was I thinking? My body continues free-falling. Unsure what to do – in this moment – for my friend, myself, all those involved. In this moment I cry out. My own strength is not possible. Panic sets in.
In these seconds – words seep into my mind. “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. Just like that peace permeates my very being. Arms are outstretched towards the heavens. I can’t do this on my own – but He can. He is “Jehovah Jireh”. Provider of Peace. Lover of my soul. One who control the winds and waves of life.
My body is floating on air, drifting in the ocean. Instantaneous calm fills the essence of my being. He will never leave me. I took the leap – the wrong turn. Body and soul diving into the very thing I said it wouldn’t. Christ forgave. In the instance of sorrow – life becomes crystal clear. Christ becomes center.
He is my safety net. The boat floating me safely to shore. In the midst of another rocky storm, He gathers me to Himself. Shelters me. “Surely goodness and mercy do follow me”. I repent.
Crawling towards the shore I fall prostrate on the ground. Lips move in adoration. I KNOW you are WORTHY. you are MINE. I am YOURS. He is my beloved, I am His. Bonded through heartache and pain, once again united with the One I love.
Arms open wide, He pulls me into His embrace. Reminds me of our time together. Tumultuous moments of doubts had left me debilitated – physically and mentally. Moments of paranoia and fear as I surveyed the world I knew crumbling around me. Ecstasy at memories of triumphs – times when I scaled the mountains through His strength. He reminds me most of all of the love that has been poured into the essence of who I am. Once again I am whole.