This time of year there is a flurry of list-making from almost everyone I know. Lists of things to accomplish, goals, books to read, exercise routines, diets, and on and on. I’m almost overwhelmed at times with all the “stuff” I need to do as one year closes and another begins.
I’m going to be honest: lists are so much easier made than done. If you’re anything like me, then that list keeps growing each year. The books remain unread, the weight still remains, and those dreams still seem distant. Sometimes I just feel like I’ve failed.
I hate failing. That’s a bold statement but one I know to be true. Those closest to me may argue that I handle failing well (or some may say I don’t) but most remind me that it’s my failures and shortcomings that have shaped me into the woman I am today. But sometimes, when I’m alone and can’t quite shut my brain off the insecurities that grow from my failures eat me up inside.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I know I’m not alone. This past year, I feel like I have had a conversation at least once a week with some of my nearest and dearest friends who voice their hearts and the lies that are just sometimes easier to believe than the truth. These woman are not to be pitied. Among the list of accomplished is a friend who is paying her way through college, working constantly to pay her tuition and a home she bought as a single woman; another is a friend who is in graduate school at NYU, chasing her dreams of starting a non-profit business. I have friends who are married, friends who are single, friends in their careers, and friends who are still trying to figure out just what to do with their lives.
We all seem to have a common fear though: the fear of failing. We pep talk ourselves into a false sense of accomplishment rather than accept the reality that we can’t be good at everything. We’re not designed to be.
2014 was really hard for me. It was a year of change, of growing pains. I haven’t done everything right, nor do I feel like I’m this fully self-realized person. I walked down roads I swore I never would, and closed chapters I really wanted to keep open. I fell on my face sometimes the very week I climbed a new mountain. I watched my normal change.
My God is so good though. He is so crazy about me. He is teaching me how to fail. This has never been a prayer I’ve prayed for myself but it’s one I’m now learning to do on my knees. Failure has opened doors to dependency on the Lord like I have never known. I realize now that I am NOT superwoman.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV)
I quote these verses to the young women I lead almost weekly, verses that have in a way become my banner for this year. They are truths I have to build my life on.
The Lord continues to teach me that I am one needy girl. It’s how He’s designed me. I am not supposed to have all the answers and not everything I touch will turn to gold. I will make mistakes. I will let people down. I will make resolutions that will not be accomplished this year. But I will still have a Savior who is head over heels in love with me and championing me to the finish line where He will meet me with the greatest embrace.
Ladies, it’s okay to fail. Maybe no one has ever told you that. The world will keep on spinning when things don’t go your way. Be a woman who boasts in her weaknesses so that the glory of Jesus Christ can ooze out of your life. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. Needy people do. I am praying for each person that reads these words.
Let’s make 2015 a year that boasts of Jesus. For when we are weak, then we are strong.
// image via tumblr (original source unknown)