The word “lust” brings a lot of bad images to mind. We think of boys hiding behind screens of pornography, that girl from your high school who always winded up in the backseat of a boy’s car, and all of the boys our gazes lingered on longer than is polite. Although that type of lust is very real and evident in our culture today, that is not that same lust I am going to be discussing today. There is a different type of lust that affects even the most confident of girls. It is what I call the “perfect man lust.”
Remember when you were in junior high, or even your freshman year of college, and you sat around with your girlfriends and talked about all the traits that you wanted in your future spouse? When you were younger, you said things like great hair, good smile, and has abs. And as you got older, you might have said things like hardworking, funny, smart, and godly. While this isn’t inherently bad, and it’s actually pretty enjoyable, this practice can fill our minds with things that we think we need to have. It can make us start to idolize these qualities and to define how we perceive relationships.
We live in a world that is glorified by Nicholas Sparks’ romance novels, Say Yes To The Dress episodes, and the idea that if we can just find love, our lives will start to have meaning. We are brainwashed into thinking that our lives are meaningless without a husband who fits all the checks on our lists.
While marriage is a healthy desire, it can become problematic when we start lusting after the idea of having that perfect relationship more than we desire our Creator.
It can be far too easy to fill the void in our hearts with a cute boy who says all the right things. But once the excitement of a new relationship fades, we find ourselves still wondering what is missing.
I have spent most of my adolescent life lusting after the idea of having a boyfriend. I spent years feeling sorry for myself because I thought not having a boyfriend meant there was something wrong with me. Furthermore, I would get frustrated with the boys I liked because they weren’t living up to my unrealistic standards.
Our culture teaches teenage girls that if they don’t have boys lusting after them constantly, they are not worthy of being pursued. That is a false statement. God is constantly in pursuit of our hearts. He is the only One who, no matter how many times we’ve stained our pillow cases with tears of boys who don’t deserve our hearts and forgotten about Him, continues to love us.
Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. –Proverbs 4:23
Our hearts are more fragile than we realize. If we don’t take precautions to protect our hearts, we are going to have nothing to give to God. Specifically, we need to be careful what we lust after because it can start to define us. I look back on all the boys I’ve liked and all the mistakes I’ve made and realize that, even when I’ve been so mad at God for not giving me what I thought I wanted, He was protecting me from myself.
One of my frustrations with girls today is that one of the best compliments we give to each other is, “Any boy would be so lucky to have you.” I’ve stopped telling my girlfriends this. Because we were created and destined to be so much more than someone’s Instagram Woman Crush Wednesday or even someone’s wife. Not that there isn’t pride in that; but God has plans for us, big plans in which He can use us with or without a man.
In our single season, we are called to actively ask God to prepare us to be wives and mothers, if He calls us to that, but first we must seek Him. I want to get to the point where I don’t feel a twinge of sadness every time I watch a romantic comedy. We are already the heroines of the greatest story ever written: the story where God loved us so much that He died for us.
So, the next time you watch SYTD and you start lusting after having that perfect wedding and the perfect guy to match, remember this :